Oct 12, 2026 · theme of the week: Self-talk

Mental Monday - Edition 41

Mental monday

“If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.” - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

theme of the week: Self-talk

Last Thursday, I was on the ice coaching youth hockey when one of my players became upset and frustrated with a task at practice. He started saying that he “sucked” and “couldn’t do it.”

I spoke with him and explained that things can be difficult, and that failing while learning is okay. But I challenged the way he was speaking about himself, explaining the distinction between negative and positive self-talk.

Helping athletes recognize that a difficult moment does not define their ability and identity is an important part of coaching them.

Then, that same evening, I found myself needing the exact same lesson.

I was at home doing some work with Amalia when I made a mistake. Using much harsher language, I began undermining my own ability and competence.

I caught myself. How could I explain this to a ten-year-old and then speak to myself that same way a few hours later? Why had one mistake become a reason to decide I was incapable?

There is research behind why positive self-talk matters. In an experiment involving 135 adults, researchers compared brief self-compassion exercises with other activities, including an exercise that encouraged dwelling on negative thoughts about oneself.

The self-compassion exercises helped participants feel less self-critical and produced a calmer physical response, including a lower heart rate. The negative rumination exercise produced the opposite pattern: greater emotional distress and physical arousal. This suggests that how we respond to ourselves can affect both our emotions and how our bodies react in the moment.

That gives us another reason to pay attention to our own words. When we are already frustrated, attacking ourselves adds to the difficulty. Speaking to ourselves with understanding gives us a fairer starting point for dealing with what happened.

That brings us back to the quote: “If it is not true, do not say it.”

Recognizing that you made a mistake is truthful. Deciding that it makes you unintelligent or incapable goes beyond what the facts support.

You can say, “This is difficult, but I will work through it.” Or, “I will give myself another attempt.” Those words leave room for both the difficulty and the ability to respond.

This week, pay attention to what you say to yourself. Before accepting those words as facts, ask: Is this right and true?

Stay strong, even when you are not. It's okay, you are not alone.

With love always,

Michael Argyrides

pathtobecoming.ca

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